Christmas time at home brings into our lives the necessary evil that is socialising.
Yes, bring a huge selection of people, who once knew each other, into a small, packed pub and you get Christmas drinks. Add some booze and you're in for some fairly bloody awkward encounters.
The only solace you can take from these meetings is that you probably have your shit together slightly more so than these freaks...
1. Your secondary school ex
Is Christmas even Christmas without awkwardly bumping into an ex in a shite festive jumper?
You ask each other how you've been, and send well wishes to the family, obviously, and one of you, very intentionally, drops the words 'other half' to confirm just how brilliantly you're doing.
2. That thick you sat beside in school
They work for their aul lad now, simply because no one else would hire them.
Good to know they're doing all right though, the big eejits.
3. Your 'family friend'
And by 'family friend' we mean that weirdo whose parents are mates with yours. They consider you a cousin while you'd often be pushed thinking of their surname.
Poor things don't have a clue how the world works, so you buy them a pint and try to slip away while they're trying to figure out how to use the cigarette machine.
4. That lad who's a DJ now
There's one in every town.
Often spotted in over-sized black t-shirts posing with a face similar to the open-mouthed emoji in photos. You bond over your shared love for Long Island iced teas and he lends you a smoke if you're wanting.
5. That cousin
The one you wish was adopted as you refuse to accept the fact that you're made of the same stuff – often goes by a weird name like Jeremy or Mildred.
They're also not particularly interested in you, as you're a freak in their eyes too, but you exchange pleasantries and say you'll see each other on New Year's.
6. The girl who peaked in TY
She was once the hottest bitch going, who had a car before she'd done the Junior Cert – but now poor Emma has lost the run of herself a little. She'll mention how close you were in 6th year and how she wishes things could've stayed that way.
She'll also beg you to stay out longer and maybe even offer you drugs.
7. Your mate's ex
Always an awkward one, as now you literally have nothing in common. They'll offer to buy you a drink and you just say you're driving so the conversation can finally end.
8. Your first shift
You don't recognise them at first, and have to stop yourself from saying, "what was I thinking?!" but you think "sure I must have liked something about them at some stage" so you give them a chance.
They offer you a joint they pulled from their sock and you scream.
9. The person your ex cheated on you with
You're calm, you're cool, you're over i–FUCK YOU!
10. That guy you once bought weed from
That never happened.
DON'T LOOK AT ME.
11. Your neighbour who's all of a sudden a total ride
YES! Late bloomers are the best bloomers!
While you, on the other hand, have gotten really drunk.
Noticeably drunk. Stop making the eyes. Stop it.
12. Your ex best friend who now has a cracking job
You know this because they won't shut up about it. And are wearing a t-shirt from it. And want you to invest in it. And have lost their minds.
13. That person you shagged during your 'dangerous' phase
Good GOD. A time best forgotten.
14. And finally, your one true love
The human you first laid your eyes upon and thought, "this is it, they're the one".
With abs for days, a jawline that won't quit and a real sense of cop on – you just can't fault them.
Pity they settled down a while ago with some tramp from the horse riding club. Oh well, there's always next year...