44 Thoughts Everyone Has Had While Shopping at Penneys

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1. I need one black T-shirt, that's all. I'm not asking for much. Sure it'll only cost, like, €3 in Penneys, I'll just pop in for a second and grab one.

2. Hmm... What fresh hell awaits me in here today?

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3. Does this group of teenage girls really need to block the entire doorway exiting the store? No, please, girls, take your time. I didn’t want to go in that badly, anyway.

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4. I think the nuclear apocalypse will look much like this.

5. Right, focus. T-shirts. To the back.

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6. Wait, look at this seasonal section though. I could use a sequined Easter egg jumper. Someone I know will try to make Easter parties happen, right? They will.

7. You know, while I’m up here, I might as well get a basket. What if there’s a dress on sale that I just can’t resist?

8. Do they have sales here?

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9. They don’t. Whatever, I’m getting a basket anyway. Let me live.

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10. BLACK T-SHIRT. FOCUS.

11. Are those green metallic trousers? Who buys green metallic trousers? No, seriously, that's not a rhetorical question. Actually tell me who.

12. Six euro?!

13. I BUY GREEN METALLIC TROUSERS, THAT’S WHO.


14. That top over there would match these perfectly. Better get it.

15. Will I buy two just in case?

16. Maybe in black as well?

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17. That is not my size.

18. Actually it’s close enough. Add it to the pile.

19. Okay, T-shirts... sorry, T-shirt, singular... come to mama.

20. All right, here’s the black one.

21. You know, I could always use a new white T-shirt, as well. Oh, this striped one is nice too!

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22. Whatever, they’re three quid each, let’s get the gray one too.

23. Could I pull off saffron? I could.

24. I so could.

25. God, this basket is heavy. What’s the best way to even carry this thing?

26. Which reminds me, I’d better try these on. Ugh, this queue.

27. “How many items? Oh, only, like, five. See? Like, one, two… okay well it’s definitely no more than six.”

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28. Pulled a fast one on you there, dressing room attendant, there are at least three more T-shirts folded up inside this T-shirt.

29. HA oh dear lord I cannot pull off saffron!

30. That looks like it’ll fit. Ugh, this room smells like I am standing inside of a human armpit, I can’t do this any more.

31. Get me to the register. Right now.

32. JEWELLERY!!

33. I know in theory that knuckle rings will make my fingers look stubby, but they’re so on-trend right now.

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34. Nine pair of earrings for four quid?! That’s like ten cents an earring, I have to get these.

35. You know, I thought this store didn’t have quite enough people in it, and now I see why: they are all in this queue.

36. Lint roller for €1? Sure, I’ll use that. Actually, my roommate could use one too probably. I’ll get seven just in case.

37. To the till at last; thank you, retail god.

38. I stopped counting what this all is costing me about three dresses ago, but hey, how bad can it be, right?

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39. Well, the guy at the next till is buying a Hawaiian shirt and two Gryffindor graphic tees, I’m doing better than him literally no matter what this costs.

40. Okay, she's ringing it all up. And the grand total is... €70. €70 for a T-shirt and some… T-shirt friends? That’s not so bad.

41. It’s been two and a half hours?!

42. That’s it. I am seriously never coming in here again.

43. Oh my god, I think I left the black T-shirt in the dressing room. Where is it?!

44. FML. You win again, Penneys. You win again.

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Written By

Sarah Cahalan

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