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28th Feb 2017

20 Things About Ireland That Will Never, Ever Change


Ireland is a funny one.

And by funny, we mean really bloody weird.

We’ve started to think about all the things our country and its people have that make it unique/strange; the things that make Ireland Ireland.

Have a gawk the 20 things abut Ireland that will never, ever change.

1. The Late Late Show

Bringing the nation its most cringe-worthy interviews since ’62. RTÉ will never allow The Late Late to die.


By the way, 9.30pm isn’t actually that late

2. Father Ted will never stop being re-run

And we’re perfectly fine with that.


3. Inability to take compliments

We’re a bashful breed, but it’s all part of the charm.


4. The rain

And discussing of rain, the brief cessation of the rain, and the rain’s inevitable return. It’s conversational gold.

Of course, we try not to let it dampen our spirits…


5. Irish mammies’ tendency to overfeed

Because they know the ultimate truth: food is love.


6. The stretch in the evenings (or lack thereof)

This is an important issue that must be addressed in conversation.


7. Love of complaining

We dedicate entire radio shows to it.

8. Begrudgery

As a nation, we can’t fucking stand our fellow Irish men and women getting ahead. So we bring them back down to Earth at every possible opportunity.

One such example of this begrudgery would have to be…


9. Hatred of Bono

Pssh, guy’s always trying to save children and shit. What a dick.


10. Mistaken for English

Until some countries (who shall remain unnamed) get better at geography and general accent recognition, there’s no sign of this stopping anytime soon.


11. ‘Fuck off’ meaning ‘tell me more’

We’re big fans of this one.


Translation: Kindly continue.

12. Communions and confirmations

Sure, Mass attendance numbers are the lowest they’ve been since before St. Patrick did his whole bit with the shamrock, and you sure as shit don’t go, but can you honestly tell me you’d deprive your future children of communion money?

Didn’t think so.


13. Immersion anxiety

Do you even know how much that shit costs?! Neither do we, but we’re certain it’s enough to give your parents a panic attack.


14. Everyone wants to claim some of our heritage

Because, let’s face it, we’re brilliant.


15. Deli rolls

You’ll always miss these convenient bastards when you’re away.


16. If you leave a door open, you’re asking for trouble

Letting the heat out is the number one cause of family feuding in Ireland.


17. Tea snobbery

If it ain’t Lyons or Barry’s, it ain’t shit.


Don’t be wasting my time with your Twinings

18. Chanting ‘olé, olé, olé!’ at every opportunity

Just give us a sporting opportunity, any at all, and we’ve got the excuse we need.

Which reminds us…

19. We love jumping on the sporting bandwagon

You haven’t gave a shit about Irish football in years, but Shane Long scores one goal and suddenly you’re a fucking expert.


20. ‘It’ll be grand’ mentality

No matter what happens, through rain or shine, victory or defeat, our little country will continue to be grand. God, we’re lovely.


If you can think of anything else about Ireland that will never change, let us know in the comments.

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