"Your boyfriend's not right for you. I'm sorry to have to tell you that, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't."
That's what psychic Eddy Christian said to me the second I sat down at his tarot reading table - so needless to say, we were off to a bad start.
I'd noticed Eddy's office while walking down South William Street, nestled in a basement below sex shop Miss Fantasia and just a few doors down from another (quite famous) medium, Gráinne Ní Mhéalóid.
There are plenty more seers dotted around the city, too - believe it or not, Dublin has a thriving supernatural scene.
I've always been sceptical of fortune telling but part of me wanted to know what it was like to be told the future - and my mam swears by it.
So I tried to get an appointment with Gráinne but she was booked up for the entire afternoon. She, like many local psychics, has a long list of regular clients who fork out €60 per reading.
Slightly disappointed (she seemed lovely), I took a deep breath and descended the steps to Eddy's lair.
Dressed all in black, the man himself was vaping in the corner when I walked in.
After dropping his initial bombshell, he spent about half an hour hammering home the idea that I should dump my other half of nearly three years for a "strong, self-confident type".
I didn't bother telling him that I'm completely happy in my current relationship and only like nerdy guys with mild inferiority complexes.
Eddy the oracle also predicted that I would stay on my career path (journalism) and make lots of money in the future (watch out, Miriam O'Callaghan).
I'll have kids and write books too, apparently. But he just kept coming back to the fact that I should break up with my boyfriend.
He said he was upset for me but actually seemed to be enjoying himself quite a lot, tbh.
I left his office feeling traumatised - not to mention €60 lighter.
To get more of a flavour of the Dublin fortune telling scene I headed to another clairvoyant, Keith Kavanagh in George's Arcade.
Referencing the famous tarot scene in Father Ted ("This is really weird! There's only supposed to be one in every pack!"), Keith told me not to worry if I got the Death or Devil Card.
He then did a series of readings, focusing on my work and love life.
He talked about star signs a lot and didn't pretend to know everything about me, but he did make some predictions.
According to him, things look good for me and my boyfriend (in your face, Eddy).
There was a bit of crossover between what the two psychics foretold, with Keith also seeing me as a rich and successful journalist (sweet!).
Both men also said I was too self-conscious and sensitive, which is true, but I think they could probably tell that from my demeanour.
Keith talked through all my problems and gave his advice, to the extent that it felt a bit like a counselling session (but in a nice way).
Overall I much preferred the session with him - at €40, he was cheaper than Eddy and I quite enjoyed our chat.
I'm still not convinced by the whole shtick but at least Keith didn't advise me to make any potentially life-ruining decisions.
So sorry to disappoint the scores of interested fellas out there, but I won't be dumping my boyfriend any time soon.
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