Good news, people.
Despite everything your tortured psyche tells you to believe, as you wade through the murky waters of your twenties, everything is going to be GRAND!
And here’s why.
1. Being single is deadly
Hailing from the generation who got married at 21 (gulp), there’s a certain societal pressure around Ireland’s singletons.
But feck that. Being single means both that you can still use the term ‘bachelor’ (winning) AND that your life could potentially change forever any day now – how exciting!
In the meantime, become your own best friend. You’re pretty sound.
2. Settling down is miles away, if it’s for you at all
The average age of marriage these days is 34.7 years.
For those of you in your twenties: great, that’s ages away. For those of you who aren’t: who wants to be average anyway?
3. Your body looks perfect
Eat your greens to stay healthy, but eat a burger to stay sane.
4. Other people’s opinions of you are irrelevant
We’re all guilty. But if possible, try to reclaim your freedom and be vulnerable again – it’s endearing, and sexy. Embrace your inner Amy Schumer, and show us how great you really are.
5. Your sex life is neither too active nor inactive
Do what feels natural, someone’s jealous either way. You do you, bud. You do you.
6. Living at home is a good thing
Dublin is experiencing a housing crisis people. If anything, you’re being good by just staying out of the way.
7. Goals are just made up and arbitrary
Remember as a kid you thought you’d be famous by 16, an astronaut by 23 and have an Oscar by 27? Exactly. You still have so much living to do, go buy those shoes.
8. Your social life can wait
There will be times you will choose Louis Theroux and beige foods over a night out, not because you’re broke, but because you WANT to, and that’s fine.
People will just be ten times as excited to see you the next time, or the time after that.
9. You don’t have to be down with the kids
They’re dumb, screw them.
10. Being ‘seen’ in the right places is meaningless
Scrap what you may think of post-college life being all about cocktails in The Marker, and private boxes in the Aviva.
You can’t afford that and neither can anyone else. Get yourself a toasted sandwich in Grogan’s and away with your notions.
11. The ‘five-year-plan’ question is the preserve of weirdos and losers
Also, planning that far ahead is useless. You should try fulfill your short term plans instead, like which burrito place you want to go to for lunch.
(The answer is Boojum.)
12. A ‘real job’ doesn’t need to be your main concern
It’s perfectly acceptable to be waiting tables, babysitting or to still be figuring these things out in your twenties, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Sure we asked the whole population in a referendum would they let a twenty-something run the country, and what did they say? Good one.
13. Drifting from old friends happens
Natural, unavoidable, and doesn’t make you a bad person.
And with drifting, comes reunions, which are so much lovelier than duty calls every weekend. Winning.
14. Being too old to go out on Harcourt Street is a good thing
Good riddance – have you seen how much vomit these young new kids produce?
15. You can’t predict, nor control, the future
Clichée, but true.
Living for the future forces you to put the present in second place. Yes, it’s brilliant to be concerned about what’s next, but it’s also brilliant to be in the here and now. For those of you stuck in the future, please come back, the present misses you.
Now go have a cup of tea. And a biscuit.