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21 Items With A SERIOUS Bang Of Notions That You Can Pick Up In Avoca Handweavers

By aidan

December 20, 2016 at 12:10am

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Avoca Handweavers is, for the most part, fairly deadly.

Gorgeous food, cracking coffee, a kitchen section that would make your mouth water and a certain selection ingredients that you'd be hard-pressed to pick up anywhere else.

But let's fact it. Some of it can be a bit, well... notionsy. Interesting and adventurous and sometimes insanely delicious, but... y'know... notionsy.

Here are 21 of the worst offenders.

1. This 'exotic spelt' seaweed muesli

How does one make spelt exotic?

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2. This bottled matcha porridge with Sri Lankan cinnamon

Or Madagascan Vanilla if you're into that kind of thing.

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3. These organic quinoa pops that would make Snap, Crackle and Pop well up with rage

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4. This 'steel-cut' Flahavans that's too good for normal shops

It's imported, but also "grown, milled and produced in Ireland."

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5. These organic beetroot 'shots'

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6. This hemp milk

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7. This 'sea salad' with which you will not win friends

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8. This kids' drink that contains quinoa

Because why wouldn't it?

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9. This gluten-free mini-gnocchi that is the stuff of every child's dream

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10. These organic ear-buds

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11. These 'soap nuts'

Nope, us either.

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12. This eco-clean degreaser and descaler that the Cif will definitely try to chat up

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13. These liquid aminos

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14. And these hickory smoked almonds and cashews from the REAL Smoked Nut Company

All the other smoked nut companies are just imitatin'; so would the real smoked nut company please stand up?.

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15. These 'fruit crisps' that would make Mr Tayto weep for Ireland

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16. These Monty Bojangles Ruby Fruit Sunday curiously moreish red berry and crumbly biscuit cocoa-dusted truffles

Designer: Good morning, sir. Here's the first draft of the packaging for the truffles.

Monty Bojangles: Excuse me?

Designer: Sorry sir. The Ruby Fruit Sunday curiously moreish red berry and crumbly biscuit cocoa-dusted truffles.

Monty Bojangles: Thank you. Well now, don't get me wrong, it looks good. But is there any chance you could add in a Victorian-era cat with a moustache and a top hat, and an umbrella under his arm... riding a teacup... across an ocean made of feathers... in pursuit of a disproportionately small teapot?

Designer: Of course, sir.

Monty Bojangles: Excellent.

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17. This box of biscuits that costs €9.50

Sorry, this box of heritage peppermint fondants 'enrobed' in 70% dark chocolate.

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18. These bags of penny sweets that cost €5.50

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19. And of course, this marshmallow fluff

Every bit as mysterious as soap nuts, but slightly more tasty.

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20. This fennel and propolis toothpaste to undo the damage caused by all that sugar

To your teeth, if not your wallet.

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21. And finally, these extra-soft biodegradable corn starch comfy-for-small-hands BPA- and PVC-free toothbrushes

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