21 Items With A SERIOUS Bang Of Notions That You Can Pick Up In Avoca Handweavers

By aidan

December 20, 2016 at 12:10am

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21 Items With A SERIOUS Bang Of Notions That You Can Pick Up In Avoca Handweavers

Avoca Handweavers is, for the most part, fairly deadly.

Gorgeous food, cracking coffee, a kitchen section that would make your mouth water and a certain selection ingredients that you'd be hard-pressed to pick up anywhere else.

But let's fact it. Some of it can be a bit, well... notionsy. Interesting and adventurous and sometimes insanely delicious, but... y'know... notionsy.

Here are 21 of the worst offenders.

1. This 'exotic spelt' seaweed muesli

How does one make spelt exotic?

2. This bottled matcha porridge with Sri Lankan cinnamon

Or Madagascan Vanilla if you're into that kind of thing.

3. These organic quinoa pops that would make Snap, Crackle and Pop well up with rage

4. This 'steel-cut' Flahavans that's too good for normal shops

It's imported, but also "grown, milled and produced in Ireland."

5. These organic beetroot 'shots'

6. This hemp milk

7. This 'sea salad' with which you will not win friends

8. This kids' drink that contains quinoa

Because why wouldn't it?

9. This gluten-free mini-gnocchi that is the stuff of every child's dream

10. These organic ear-buds

11. These 'soap nuts'

Nope, us either.

12. This eco-clean degreaser and descaler that the Cif will definitely try to chat up

13. These liquid aminos

14. And these hickory smoked almonds and cashews from the REAL Smoked Nut Company

All the other smoked nut companies are just imitatin'; so would the real smoked nut company please stand up?.

15. These 'fruit crisps' that would make Mr Tayto weep for Ireland

16. These Monty Bojangles Ruby Fruit Sunday curiously moreish red berry and crumbly biscuit cocoa-dusted truffles

Designer: Good morning, sir. Here's the first draft of the packaging for the truffles.

Monty Bojangles: Excuse me?

Designer: Sorry sir. The Ruby Fruit Sunday curiously moreish red berry and crumbly biscuit cocoa-dusted truffles.

Monty Bojangles: Thank you. Well now, don't get me wrong, it looks good. But is there any chance you could add in a Victorian-era cat with a moustache and a top hat, and an umbrella under his arm... riding a teacup... across an ocean made of feathers... in pursuit of a disproportionately small teapot?

Designer: Of course, sir.

Monty Bojangles: Excellent.

17. This box of biscuits that costs €9.50

Sorry, this box of heritage peppermint fondants 'enrobed' in 70% dark chocolate.

18. These bags of penny sweets that cost €5.50

19. And of course, this marshmallow fluff

Every bit as mysterious as soap nuts, but slightly more tasty.

20. This fennel and propolis toothpaste to undo the damage caused by all that sugar

To your teeth, if not your wallet.

21. And finally, these extra-soft biodegradable corn starch comfy-for-small-hands BPA- and PVC-free toothbrushes

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