17 Things That Constantly Worry Every Irish Mammy
How many have you heard before?
The Irish mammy is a much loved figure all over the world.
The one thing that we think of most (apart from love) when we think of an Irish mammy is worry.
There are many triggers for her little conniptions, but it's safe to say that these 17 below are what she spends most of her day fretting about.
1. The immersion
Usually on the way to the airport or Mass. Occasionally warrants a panicked trip back to the house to check.
2. Any form of motorised travel
From buses to trains, planes and especially cars on your way home. You'd swear you'd never driven a car as she clutches the rosary beads seeing you off.
3. The 'good' room
Usually home to the good cutlery, the good china and the good sofa. Nobody really ever gets to go in there, apart from the parish priest back in 1987.
4. How clean her children's ears are
Never mind the heart, liver or lungs, because from a young age right through until marriage an Irish mammy will check the cleanliness of ears as the primary indicator of health.
5. Animals in the house
Not much will move the Irish mammy who has seen it all, but any form of strange animal in the home can induce blind panic. Spiders, rats, and daddy longlegs are especially bad.
She learnt how to text eventually and has taken to it with aplomb. She's not interested in apps, Netflix or Snapchat, but she'll allow for the occasional Skype call to see a relative across the globe.
7. The general hunger levels of anybody who enters the house
Are you hungry? When did you last eat? You'll have something? Go on? Okay, I'll do some sandwiches.
What are they driving? What are they saying? Did they see that we missed Mass last week?!
Change it? To what? NO RELIGION?! Oh the Lord save us.— irishmammies (@irishmammies) April 24, 2016
Well ok but don't let your Nana see that whatever you do.#Census2016
From the fancy blow dry that mammy likes to treat herself to once a month, through to the washing on the line and children having no jackets on, the rain is a constant worry.
10. Your relationship status
When am I going to get a big day out? Are there any boys/girls on the scene? Would you not go out and just find a man/woman?
Don't eat the good ones for guests at any costs or mother dearest will lose the plot. Is there a good 'selection' in?
12. You've got a coat on leaving the house
From the depths of winter through to a mild spring or blazing summer day, mammy will be at the door with a worried face making sure you've a coat on and that it's the right spec.
13. Falling and breaking your neck
Not that many people every really "fall and break their neck", but mammy is always worried about this rare occurrence. In reality the saying applies to everything from a paper cut through to falling off a skyscraper head first.
14. That muck on your face
Sure didn't I rear you and why would you need all that muck on your face? Mammy presumed you'd grow out of it – she was wrong.
15. Not texting to say you got home safely
You could be coming home from Copper's at 5am after 15 pints, but one little text to mammy and all the worry goes. But don't text and you must be in a ditch somewhere.
16. The kettle and teabags
God forbid the kettle wouldn't be on at least 70% of the day. An Irish mammy has never run out of teabags, but the fear that she could keeps her up at night.
17. The wooden spoon
Along with the tea towel, probably one of the most important tools in the Irish mammy's arsenal. Used for everything from swatting flies to stirring pots, the kitchen utensil is most often used as a threatening weapon.