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20th Dec 2016

6 Christmas Films On Netflix That Look Absolutely Dire


We love Netflix. They put up entire series for binge-watching and produce amazing new shows and movies.

However, it’s no secret that Netflix also tends to offer a lot of shite too. Many of their offerings boast titles you’ve never even heard of, that were produced with the sole purpose of being dropkicked into discount DVD bins.

This problem becomes even more noticeable at Christmas. While Netflix in Ireland has Home Alone and Die Hard, it doesn’t have any of the other classic favourites like Love Actually, Miracle on 34th Street, or The Holiday.

Instead there are a lot of questionable films. Here are some of them.

1. Angel of Christmas

“While researching a family heirloom, a jilted news staffer uncovers the ornament’s magical past and meets someone special, perhaps not by coincidence.”

A Christmas film made specially for Hallmark. It probably couldn’t be too offensive, but I can’t think of a single reason to watch this except you put it on by accident and then couldn’t turn it off for some reason.

2. A Christmas Detour

“A cynical bartender helps a romantically optimistic bride-to-be make it home to meet her fiancé’s parents when a snowstorm reroutes their flight.”

Another Hallmark piece. I haven’t seen this film, but I can already tell you what happens. Main woman is engaged and uptight. Main man is the opposite of a romantic. They’re trapped together and they realise that although they hated each other at first, they’ve actually grown to love each other. Fiancé gets chucked, happily ever after. Plus bad puns, wooden acting and a cheesy, eye-rolling script. 

Boom, just saved you minutes.

3. Nativity!

“Paul, charged with directing his school’s nativity play, falsely boasts that his ex-girlfriend plans to turn the production into a film.”

Martin Freeman, in the days after Love Actually, but before Sherlock, Fargo and The Hobbit, starred in this film about cruelly tricking kids into thinking they would become famous, and by coincidence having it all work out in the end. 

If most parents have to force themselves to watch their own kid’s nativity play, why would they want to watch a film about it?

4. A Royal Christmas

“When the heir to the throne of Cordinia brings his commoner American girlfriend home to meet the family, his mother schemes to end the relationship.”

This is, you guessed it, a Hallmark film. Oh Lacey Chabert. You can see the direct descent from leading in Mean Girls, to supporting actress in Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, to starring in this movie. 

And none for Gretchen Wieners.

5. Angels Sing

“After moving into a neighbourhood drenched in the Christmas spirit, a man whose brother died on Christmas years before begins to see beyond his own sadness.”

The stakes have never been lower: Will a man put up his Christmas decorations? You can cringe along the way with hokey Christmas sing-alongs, terrible acting and a shameless attempt to try and make you cry.

6. All I Want For Christmas

“The only thing that siblings Hallie and Ethan are hoping they get for Christmas is the reconciliation of their divorced parents.”

This appears to be a Christmas version of the Parent Trap with absolutely none of the charm. It has a rare 0% rating from Rotten Tomatoes. Even Meet The Spartans has 2%.

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