21 Things You'll Instantly Recognise If You're A Primary School Teacher
Including how to cure every illness known to child, the best way to utilise sunny days, and what that TV trolley REALLY signifies
Primary school teachers get a lot of grief.
Some will proclaim their jealousy of the job, after all they've such long holidays and come on, it must be piss easy! While others resent the teachers of our nation's youth – for the exact same reasons.
Having taught in a primary school for two years myself, and consulting several currently active teachers, I've put together a few insights into the world of primary schools that you may find educational...
1. This is every teacher's response to "I'm finished"
"That's great, draw a picture now like a good lad/girl!"
2. Teachers constantly have to deal with jokes and abuse for getting long holidays and short working days
And it never gets old.
3. Telling a kid to rest their head on the desk cures every illness known to man
4. You can always tell when someone's a junior infants teacher
Because they'll speak to you in the same loud, condescending tone that they use on the kids.
5. You'll find it's surprisingly difficult to hold onto your classroom supplies
As your fellow members of staff are thievin' bastards.
6. Remembering to take the roll on time every day is a true struggle
It's just another one of those niggling little nuisances, like the incessant whining of small children, that chips away at you every day until retirement, slowly eroding your sanity.
7. The never-ending cycle of corrections is soul-destroying
"But I did this laaast weeeeek!"
8. June can be an emotional time
Mostly because of the realisation that come September, you'll have a whole new batch of blank slates to deal with – and the very idea is exhausting.
9. Parents often turn to their children's teachers for emotional support
When you think about it, it makes a lot of sense. If there's trouble with the pupil's siblings or in a marriage, it's logical that a parent would turn to that other parental figure who's been nurturing their child.
Of course, not all teachers react to that situation in the same way...
10. Every teacher wants to get out of after school meetings as fast as humanly possible
Except for those rare ones who actually give a shit. Fuckers.
11. Nothing inspires fear in a teacher like rumours of an incoming inspector
12. Realising you've gotten a break from the yard duty schedule is a glorious moment
Akin to payday levels of joy.
13. Cheeky pups in class are tolerated on ONE condition
They've got to be funny.
14. Extreme competitiveness grips EVERYONE when a schoolwide competition takes place
15. Arts lessons are anxiety-inducing nightmares
"Oh God, the paint and glitter, it's everywhere."
16. Good weather means it's time for 'P.E.'
i.e. A chance to get the kids so exhausted that you can just coast on through to hometime.
17. Spelling tests on Friday are a highpoint of the week
It's the only period of peace and quiet between Monday and Friday that you can actually depend on.
18. Teachers get just as excited as the kids when the TV is wheeled in
From the child's point of view this is a selfless act by the teacher, for the teacher this is 2 hours of day's work spent watching a movie. Fantastic.
19. Also, if the TV appears, it usually signifies the teacher is too hungover to function
20. It's a profession that attracts three kinds of people...
Type one: people who love kids and were born to it. Type two: the ones who are in it for the holidays (who'll always know how many weeks are left till midterm and will bombard your news feed of their latest trip to wherever the fuck). Type three: the guy who got into it purely for that 3:1 female to male ratio in college.
21. Remember that Sunday night fear you used to get when you had school the next day?
Teachers get that every fecking week of the working lives.
Thanks to the primary school teachers who helped to make this article... who wanted to remain anonymous for some reason.