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8 Reasons Why The CV Is The Most Hilariously Obsolete Thing Of Modern Times

By aidan

December 20, 2016 at 12:10am

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Nothing – nothing – has clung on into the digital era more bravely than the CV.

But while it's had a good run, that run is now very much at an end. And here's why...

1. Because we are not in Hogwarts

And in the real world, when something goes on paper, it stays there. Still. Unmoving. Unchanged. Forever.

So when you consider the fact that your CV – which a company kept 'on file' a year ago – now doesn't represent 12 months worth of experience, that's a bit crap really.

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2. Because OUR EYES

Generations of career guidance teachers telling people to make their CV 'stand out' have resulted in people missing the point brilliantly, and adding a whole manner of purples, pinks and greens to their document.

Ain't nobody got time for that.

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3. Because padding

Nobody cares that you were captain of the swimming team in school when you were 12.

Nobody.

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4. 'On file' is a codeword for an abyss of nothingness

"We're keeping your CV on file."

Sure you bloody are.

5. Because every single one is different

And no, that's not a good thing. 

When you're trying to sort between similar candidates – comparing like with like – it's really not ideal to have to spend time trying to pick apart the guy who's listed education under 'qualifications' and his jobs from earliest to latest, versus the girl who's listed everything under 'experience' from latest to earliest.

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6. Because 2016 and printing don't mix

Even two years ago, we could at least say that you could justify your ownership of a printer because you also needed to print boarding passes.

And now? Even that's moved on to smartphones. The CV is the last man standing, crumbling alone and exposed against the ravages of time.

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7. Because it doesn't get across the real you

You're a living, breathing person who's evolving every single day. Your CV, once you hit save, is just a snapshot in time – its only use is as a time capsule, for you to look back upon in a decade and laugh at how naive you seemed.

How the CV stayed alive this long into the digital age, we really do not know. But now – finally – it's well and truly dead.

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8. Actually, there are no more points. Just dump it.

You know they have the internet on computers now, right?

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Want to bury your CV in the cold ground once and for all?

Well you're in luck. 

Our friends at Jobbio are running a CV scrappage scheme for two weeks only – you can email your CV to [email protected], and being the amazing little worker bees that they are, they'll convert it into a bio for you, so you can connect with thousands of companies and apply for jobs with just one click.

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