OPINION: Scooters Are Taking Over Dublin City Centre And It’s Really Fucking Weird

2017 marks my sixth year of either living, working or schooling in Dublin city centre. 

In those six years I’ve seen the rise and fall of many things. Tripod, Strangeways, Cafe Sol, Molly Malone in her original perch, €5 salads in Staple Foods, The Boom, normal sized seagulls, cranes, Clery’s, Bewleys, Dubarrys, frosted tips. You name it. 

However, when one transport door closes, another one opens – and with the combined interest of car insurance going through the roof and cycling in Dublin being akin playing Russian Roulette with your whole body – the people have resorted to other options. 

Yes, yes runners, trainers, kicks and sneaks have all of a sudden become ‘all go’, with Nike cashing in mightily on the sudden interest in sauntering. But something that none of us saw coming, was the rise of the two-wheeled phenomenon that is the push scooter.

Yes, people of Dublin, push scooters are a fucking thing again. 

Just when you thought 2016’s reign of terror was over. 

Now, let me start by saying Dublin is a city that’s well taken with a phase. We are the island of Ireland’s teenage offspring who insists that the mullet never went out of style, and ripped tights were slick, edgy and made you seem ~troubled~.

When we like a trend, we go balls deep. 

Don’t believe us? 

Riddle me this: How many doughnut shops did you spot on your walk to work this morning?

Exactly. 

Several months ago, we posted this article about how scooters were absolutely deadly and the way forward for Dublin commuters, literally and figuratively. 

However, Lovin Dublin is an equal opportunities employer, and we collectively support the hopes, dreams and opinions of both the pro-scoot and anti-scoot brigades – despite however blatantly dumb one side may be. 

So, what’s your beef with scooters, bud?

Alri, bud. Let me tell you. 

1. They’re pre-pubescent

Do you remember your first encounter with a scooter? I bet you had either just confirmed your three potential Confirmation Names or were even still in single digits, age-wise. It may have been a Christmas present during the Boom years, or even  hand-me-down from a cousin who’d just hit puberty and realised scooters are totally redundant.  

Ergo, scooters promote pre-teen trends that should have died a death umpteen years ago. Shell necklaces. Juicy tracksuits. Coloured braces. Parachute pants. And so on…

I think we all know, deep down, that all of these trends should be locked in a cupboard and never be seen by the light of day again. 

2. They’re bloody dangerous

Push scooters are made of a thin piece of plastic, two wheels, and an unsupportive set of handlebars. It’s the most vulnerable method of transport going. That cannot be disputed.

Exhibit A:

3. It’s weird 

Lesbehonest. You all look tapped. 

And the people have noticed.