14 Things You’ll Recognise If You’re Eternally Single In Dublin

Let’s be honest, most of the time being single is the best f*cking thing ever.

You can be as spontaneous as you please, work to your own schedule and take advantage of the fine supply of Irish and international singles that flow through our our city every year.

However, even the most content of us can wilt when faced with a global holiday that seems to be determined to shame you into getting a partner. Yes, we’re talking about Valentines’s Day.

Feb 14 is upon us once more and if you’re on your Toblerone in Dublin, a few of these may be familiar…

1. You’ve downloaded (and subsequently deleted) Tinder about 30 times in the last year

It’s the most soul-destroying app ever… and yet we still can’t seem to go a month without logging in.

2. You don’t mind when someone bumps into you on the Dart 

Because it’s the only physical interaction you’ve had in weeks.

3. You can never get a ‘couple’s combo’ in the cinema

And don’t get us started on 2-for-1 deals – ‘I’ll just pay full price because I am so so ALONE!’

4. You constantly recognise people in town from their dating profiles

Fella with the headphones on the bus? James, 24, went to University Of Life (6’1, not my kids)

5. You’re never quite sure whether people are flirting with you or just good at their jobs

Especially confusing when they’re serving you drinks.

6. You’re going to punch the next person who says ‘how are you single?’

I have commitment issues, an anger management problem and three extra eyeballs on my back. You?

7. You get a knowing nod from the barman in your local when you bring in yet another date

But it’s sooooo hard to find decent pubs these days

8. You’ve legit considered going speed dating ‘for the laugh’

And later decided you haven’t hit rock bottom just yet.

9. You go to Coppers because sometimes you don’t want to have a two-hour convo just to get the ride

Look, we all have needs

10. You go and say a few prayers to St Valentine in the Carmelite Church every year

Although your mother has been saying Novenas for years and that hasn’t made much of a difference

11. You have to eat the whole Half-Chicken Bucket by yourself every time you go to Crackbird

Ok, maybe that’s not so bad after all

12. You find yourself flirting with chuggers just to make sure you don’t get out of practice

Gotta keep them skills in check

13. Your FB notifications consist of friends tagging you in ‘single’ memes

Hilarious.

14. You know that a session with the girlos beats a cosy night in any day

Sing it.

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