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20th Dec 2016

17 Fashion And Beauty Trends That Need To Be Retired ASAP

Alana Laverty

This is not a critical piece, or a go at anyone in particular’s style. 

I, myself, am guilty of committing several of these criminal trends. 

This is simply an open letter to the fashion Gods to say, let it go. Bring back the normal trends. Like honestly, who in their right mind chooses this shit? And why do we keep falling for it?!

Some of these fashion and beauty faux pas give me N I G H T M A R E S. 

But that being said, to each their own. 

1. Enormous bag charms

Ok, admittedly, I’m guilty of committing this one.

Those big balls of fluff were so cute when they first came on the scene. 

Not to mention that they work really well as a stress ball when needs be. But they’ve gotten bigger, rattier and so OTT. They’ve gotta go, people. 

Preview Fluffy Bag Charm Or Keyring

2. Primary school runners

This bandwagon was one that I just could not jump upon.

Adidas Superstars, Reebok Classics and Nike Air Max. What in the flippin’ heck.

They were bad enough the first time. 

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3. Longchamp bags

Again, guuuiilllltyyyyy.

I can bee seen with one of these on the daily. But I think we can all agree that they are the most aesthetically displeasing bags of all time. But they can hold my laptop, kitchen sink and entire life. 

Until a more practical and better-looking bag comes on the market, I’ll be carrying this one. 

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Like Pippa here, circa 2011, with the white Longchamp. #fashion

4. Body suits 

Our poor vaginas.

There is nothing more uncomfortable than a body suit. 

Azz35079 Black Xl

As happy as she looks, there is no way in hell that she is comfortable. 

5. Cropped flares

A more awkward looking pair of pants have never existed. 

7 Rules For Wearing Cropped Flared Jeans 1635362 1453848640 640X0C

Double whammy: key charm + cropped flares = stay indoors. 

6. Tan-touring 

Contouring. Using tan. 

Yes, this is a thing – and it puts us lazy gals to shame. 

7. Stiletto nails 

The longest nails of all time. How do people function with these? 

You’ve gotta admire anyone who can get through an entire day without breaking one. But surely that can’t be hygienic.

8. Flower crowns

Are so 2013. Give it a rest. 

Mermaid crowns are the new black. 

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9. Fanny packs 

Are ok at festivals, and with your dad on holidays. Nowhere else. 

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10. Bomber jackets

But not the pretty silky ones. Oh no, we’re talking the ones everyone and their mother buys in Tola Vintage to wear to EP. 

Beyond then, these are not acceptable. 

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11. Calvin Klein undergarments 

When shown in every Instagram pic ever. “My Calvins” are no longer yours if you’re showing them to the entire universe.

Put ’em away. 

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12. Co-ords

Were cool two summers ago when everything was floral and pretty.

But we have really seen enough. 


13. Cord trousers

AKA corduroy. Eugh the word alone reminds us of traumatising first-day-of-primary-school pants.

It’s too much. We’ve seen these knocking about recently, rearing their ugly heads and we’re here to put a stop to it before this disease spreads. 


14. Wedge runners

We have designer Isabel Marant to thank for this catastrophe. 

Isabel Marant Bekket Wedge Suede Bright Blue Sneakers Q Lrg


15. Over lining da lips

Kylie Jenner – you caused this. Lip injections aside. 

And btw, even we can see where your lip ends and your upper lip begins quite clearly hun. 

You’re not fooling anyone. 

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16. Miley buns

She couldn’t pull them off, and neither can you. 


17. Mom jeans

Another one, and the final one, I’m guilty of doing. It began with the Levi 501 return of 2012. They looked good with everything. They made your booty look bigger and you looked super “We <3 It”. 

But they’ve gotten lighter, tighter and ridden further up your arse. Thanks, American Apparel. 

Nobody wanna see that camel toe. 

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Set the trends, don’t follow em. 

And, of course, as a final disclaimer: you do you, wear what you wanna wear and do what makes you happy.

It’s not the style. It’s the content. And I am content with my style. 


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