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20th Dec 2016

The 5 Life Events Worth Putting On A Shit Tonne Of Makeup For


Whatever’s to blame for the extreme makeup trend – Instagram, YouTube, Kim Kardashian – there’s no denying that today’s “everyday makeup” (according to the internet) is one thing: totally fucking bonkers.

There is no way that any reasonable, sane woman, with a job to go to and shit to do, is going to spend 90 minutes contouring her face before leaving for work in the morning. But on the odd occasion, you could be forgiven for sitting down in front of your ring light and going all the way.

Kim Kardashian Contouring Makeup

We’ve compiled the definitive – and very useful, we think you’ll agree – list: times when going OTT with your makeup is totally acceptable.

1. An interview for a job at the MAC counter

Or any makeup counter job, really – although do bear in mind that there’ll be a totally different look at the MAC counter than there is at the Urban Decay counter. Do your research and then spend some time; turning up bare-faced is not an option for a job in makeup. It’s just not. Sorry.

2. The first time seeing your ex since you broke up 

Look, we all know the truth: no ex in the world ever has realised the error of their ways due to the power of makeup. So this isn’t about reunification, or even revenge – it’s about you, and feeling like you’re looking your best. 

Obviously, if you feel you’re looking your best in zero makeup and a hoody, go for that – but if a full face of makeup is necessary to give you the swagger necessary to make him or her feel like you’re so over that whole thing, go for it.

3. Your 10-year school reunion

Nothing strikes fear in the hearts of men – and women – quite like the prospect of seeing people who bullied you for years when you were at your weakest and most vulnerable. So suit up and get that game face on; this is the time to prove that you are, essentially, really hot now and, crucially, way cooler than you used to be. (Nothing says cool like inch-thick foundation, trust us.)

Romy Michele High School Reunion

4. Your mate’s day-long hen party

This is one of those occasions where you want your makeup to last, and while there are tonnes of products out there that guarantee 24-hour wear (why, God, why?!), the number one guaranteed method of keeping your slap on your face for the full day is to pile. That. Shit. On. And then pile it on again.

5. Whenever the hell you fucking want to

Y’know what though? Makeup is in the eye of the beholder, and if your personal poison is to use 30 products to do your “everyday makeup” look, then you do you. Go crazy – and don’t let anyone tell you that “you’re so pretty without makeup”; “you don’t need all that makeup”; “you’re covering your beautiful features”. 

If it makes you happy to wear full theatre makeup for every single day of the rest of your life, then really, there are worse things you could do.

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