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12th May 2020

WATCH: Irish comedian pens hilarious letter to Penney’s set to the tune of Eminem’s Stan

Sarah Finnan

Dear Penney's

Irish comedian Enya Martin, probably better known as her stage name Giz A Laugh, has done it again – posting a skit online and leaving us all in tears. Good tears though… tears of laughter.

Irish people have a love affair with Penney’s, one that is hard to explain but that we all just inexplicably have. Nothing quite compares to tipping into Penney’s for a wander – calling in for one thing and emerging seven hours with everything but the one thing you went in for. Oh, how we miss it… and by we I mean us, the collective. Including comedian Enya Martin or Giz A Laugh who has penned an open letter to the shop.

Setting the clip to Eminem’s song Stan, not only is the video extremely relatable but it’s also funny AF. Have a read of the letter and then watch the video for maximum impact:

“Dear Penney’s,

Roses are red, violets are blue, it’s been nearly two months now and I’m really starting to miss you.

I wish ya had an online store but apparently that’s not the case. A serious question here has Disney and Harry Potter got bleedin’ shares in your place?

I miss being in your shop, kids causing blue murder or queuing at customer service where Karen will be taking things further.

Penney’s you were great for the false tan and lashes. The usual Saturday night essentials – that’s one thing I’ll give ya, your sh*t’s far from expensive.

But it’s been a long time since I’ve had a groom, spend most weekends now staring at the walls in me room.

I’d usually be in your shops right about now buying all me holiday stuff but I’ve no euro flip flops and I’m finding things tough.

I miss buying an auld pair of PJs or a nice silk pair if I was feeling posh and after a few wears sure they’d shrink in the wash.

That’s me fella in me ear: ‘come on will ya? I’m losing me patience’. Well, now ya know how I feel when you’re glued to that bleedin’ PlayStation.

‘Just hurry up, this is beyond a joke.’ Ah shurrup will ya? It’s my business if I want to leave meself broke.

I’m running out of your cheap knickers and pop socks and I’m starting to get stressed. Only one euro for a thong, girls weren’t we bleedin’ blessed?

Penney’s I hope you come back soon, as ya can tell I was in there often. See you when your doors open again I’m going to spend a bleedin’ fortune.”

If you’re in need of a laugh, this will sort you right out.

We’d go so far as to say that’s even better than the original.

(Header image courtesy of @gizalaugh_)

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